Bestiality, Human Sacrifice, Incest, Bondage, Leopards, and DAVID BOWIE

iTunes says this 1982 movie is about "a beautiful young woman on the bridge of sexuality; she discovers love for the first time only to find that the explosive experience brings with it tragic consequences."

What it's REALLY about is this secret race of people that turn into giant black leopards whenever they have sex with anyone they aren't related to and they can't change back until they kill a human.

Cat People (Putting Out Fire) by David Bowie was written for this movie. I think the song is a lot more famous than the movie because the movie is fucking WEIRD! David's not actually in it. It would be a million times better if he were.

I'm Going To See This Movie

And see it again.

Because Natalie Portman turns into a MOTHERFUCKING SWAN!

Why Is She So Amazing?

Yung and Easily Freudend says I have an Amanda Palmer accent. This happened independently of my love for her. I blame Jim Dale and his magical Harry Potter readings.

I hope the major labels collapse. I will play Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead when the first one goes under. C'mon, artists. You can do it! Also, Bandcamp is my new favorite thing. I give more than asking if I feel it deserves it. One time I gave $50 to a blog just because I loved it. People of the Internet, we can do it!

A Tamponette Service Announcement

These creatures will haunt me forever.

They Need A Record

Because I need them. Click the video and watch it on YouTube because I can't get this blog to quit cutting off videos on the side.

A Bedtime Story

Somewhere On Planet Gaga

This sort of thing happens.

So much to chat about, but I'll try not to get too wordy. This isn't a word blog.

Okay. So I thought this song was about conducting trysts with multiple (?) Mexicans, or at least latin persons who are hot like Mexico. Possibly just one individual named Alejandro Fernando Roberto. Or something like that.

But this music video is some sort of Steampunk-esque Cabaret-influenced WWII debacle starring Lady Gaga. I think if I ever saw her anywhere, I wouldn't recognize her, because she looks so different in every music video. It's the wigs and makeup. You can do a lot with contouring.

Also, someone had better call Thombeau. I think he might have lost some of his Houseboys to Lady Gaga's version of WWII. I was a bit uncomfortable with the dancing Nazis. I recognize she is drawing from WWII movies, but the Holocaust isn't entertaining. Not ever.

This is why I like Lady Gaga. In her performances and videos, she gives us this view into some strange reality that I identify with and prefer. Nobody dies like they do in real life. They just dance around. Or turn into light. And even sadness is beautiful. I think Planet Gaga is near my home planet. Some day I will return. I don't want to die here on Planet Richbitch.

Also, at the end, when she dies, THAT is what it looks like when you Return to Fabulon, which is, of course, what happens when fabulous people die. I hope it will happen to me.

In other news, Madonna's cone bra has been trumped by Lady Gaga's gun bra.

Well, Are You?

Story of Our Lives

"I was in my room and I was just like staring at the wall thinking about everything, but then again I was thinking about nothing. And then my mom came in, and I didn't even know she was there. She called my name and I didn't hear her and then she started screaming “Mike, Mike!” And I go “what? What's the matter?” She goes “what's the matter with you?” I go “there's nothing wrong, mom.” Shes all “don't tell me that! You're on drugs!” I go “no mom, I'm not on drugs. I'm ok, I'm just thinking, you know? Why don't you get me a Pepsi?” She goes “No! You're on drugs!” I go “mom, I'm ok. I'm just thinking.” She goes “No! You're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't act in that way!” I go “mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!” And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!"

This Song Changed My Life A Year Ago

From Crass' 1981 album Penis Envy.

I don't know anything about Eve Libertine and Joy de Vivre except that they must have been badasses.

I Hope This Is What Japan Is Really Like

I'm confused about their opening. Don't give it up? Abstinence?

We all know what Cat's going to say:

My Sailor Moon backpack is affecting my brain.

We Love You So Very Much

Trololo man = Eduard Khil.

He wants us to sing together.

All over the world.

I love him even more.

Hindenburg for Your Viewing Pleasure

Too much?

I Am Hypnotized By The Hair

I hope it was billed separately.

Personal Philosophy

The chorus pretty sums up my feelings on love.

I don't know what it is and I don't want to be hurt anymore.

Yeah. That's pretty much it.

And what is the videoblog thing Tampon Heroes has become?

Ah well. We here at Tampon Heroes call 'em like we see 'em.

Whatever that means.

Now You Too Can Pee Standing Up

I feel like often when someone is trying to convince me to do something weird they tell me that European women are doing it.

My mom ordered these.

Click Me

To learn what it means to be a man.

My Baby is Black!

My apologies for another video. We've become quite the video blog. But it's short, sweet, and utterly fantastic. Enjoy your post-Hump Day (Miscegenation Thursday?):

It's Hump Day Again

Celebrate with sexy latin songs.

It's Mustache Monday

We realize it's Wednesday. We simply cannot be expected to remember the days of the week.

In Soviet Russia

Sprite drinks you!

This blog has gone from Mustache Blog to Poetry Blog to Russian Blog in one weekend.

Russia is clearly the flavor of today.

And I want that ladies outfit.